A cruise ship is a very strange place. There’s unlimited food, unlimited drinks and pretty much everything to do. The ship I was on had a waterslide, hot tubs, swimming pools, a basketball court, like 15 bars…I mean it was basically a floating city block.

Dear Clowns, when we meet again, it will be 2024. The last few months writing for Ego Clown have been truly strange and adventurous. But there is more fun to be had.

The darkness beneath me seems to go on forever. The sonar pings and outlines the world in red. Technically, I can’t see anything. But I know where everything is. And I know at the top of the mountain is a Reaper Leviathan. The rules are simple: stay away.

Master P’s “Bar-B-Quinn with my Honey” chips are the greatest BBQ chips of all time. There’s nothing close.

The top of the bag reads "Stay Focused and Be Relentless.” And this is a relentless chip. It will battle your tastebuds all day. But I think it is an excellent chip.

With Hallmark movies you know what you’re gonna get. Some bad acting, puzzling writing at times and some very predictable arcs. Exmas, for the most part has none of those things.

Montucky Cold Snacks is a really cool looking and sounding beer. It is. But it’s not that great.

The East Artic is sparse and empty. Glow whales sing and dive gently about 50 meters below the surface. All types of alien fish swim around my sub as it plows through the frigid waters of Sector Zero.

I love dark, ugly superhero movies but it’s hard not to appreciate some good pastiche. What makes Hawkeye a joy to watch is that it is fully aware that its tone is all over the place, it’s plots are sporadic and occasionally unserious and its characters are extremely zany. It just doesn’t care.

A dead girl, a fake relationship and a New York Jew in West Texas.

When I initially opened my cup of Rap Snacks Icon Ramen Noodles, Creamy Chicken Gumbo (flavored), I noticed little discernible difference from your average Maruchan Instant Lunch. I filled the cup up (use hot water) to the line that read '“There’s No Limit To Success" and let Master P cook.

Retro Bowl is the best mobile football game since football was invented. It’s not perfect but it’s very fun and deliberately addicting for football fans like me.

As someone who never liked mech games, I was very tentative heading into Armored Core. I loved the other From Soft games but what I loved about those games (the detailed open-ish worlds and the dark fantasy setting) was definitely not going to be present in this one. The game dropped and I downloaded it and sortied into my first mission, not knowing what to expect.

Young men of 19 dream about women, but often in the abstract, a singular of plurals. Rarely does a love triangle, or God blessings be, two at the same time, occur. But Luca, in Something New has it all figured out.

The other day I received a letter via Pony Express…….

When I finished Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City I felt a profound sense of sadness I hadn’t felt in a longish time. There was something so vibrant, so idyllic in the 50s desert wasteland that crushed the inside of my brain into a tin can and made me wish I was much older but also much younger.

It could’ve been so much worse, and I would know. I watch this stuff for a living.

Magnificent Warriors is a 1987 Chinese film that is among the greatest movies I’ve ever seen. It’s like top 50-75, don’t freak out.